A Good Provider? Really?
A while back I was sitting with a forty-something mother of two who came to see me because she was feeling depressed. During our conversation I asked her to describe her husband, this is what she said; “He is a very good provider.” I decided to sit with this statement in my mind for a while as we talked. One of the things that a good counselor will do is use 20 to 25 % of his listening skills listening to his on internal reactions to things that are said during conversations in a counseling room.
I wondered what this man would have thought about his wife’s comment.
How would you feel if this is what your wife said about you when she was describing you to a stranger?
The pieces of the puzzle for her were pretty easy to put together, but I begin to ponder on what her husband’s life may be like as well. I wondered if he felt like a slot machine, providing for everyone’s needs financially, but never around enough to experience their love emotionally or physically. Why didn’t she describe him as her lover? Her soul mate? I wondered what had happened over the last fifteen years of their marriage.
No man wants to be known only as a good provider for his family; he longs for the emotional, physical and spiritual connection he had when he first met his wife. If he doesn’t get it at home he will eventually seek it out in other places like addictions and affairs. I could easily write about all the things that men do wrong at this point, but women if you want your lives to be better sometimes you have to force the issue sometimes. Let your man know when he does things well, affirm him as a lover, or if doesn’t know how to be a lover, teach him what you want and like. I have yet to meet a man who doesn’t like a woman who is forceful and intentional in the bedroom. Don’t beat him up with religion. It is God’s job to reconcile us to him. Try some of the things he enjoys doing.
My wife and I are going to play golf this summer together. I can’t wait because she is willing to learn how to do something I really enjoy.
We long to be more in your eyes than just a provider. Lovingly Teach Us!