I went to another funeral today. I only seem to write after funerals. It’s like the only thing worth writing about these days for me, life or death. Everything else seems shallow; I don’t do shallow well anymore. Unfortunately, most things in life are shallow. Jobs are shallow, false community is shallow and even existence in our culture is shallow.
Everyone is afraid of the deep.
Deep is when I am at my best!
The only thing deep lately in my life is death. Death forces you to experience life.
Our society is so messed up. This really isn’t how we are supposed to live.
At the funeral today, a very young pastor who really got to know Jennifer during her illness preached her eulogy. He talked about her smile. He was a witness. He got to experience her last days over a years time. The love in his voice was genuine for my friend. He truly loved and knew Jennifer. It was heart warming.
I have to be honest I was jealous. I would have loved to held her hand, or sung to her like he did. I was at work. He was living. I was busy dying. To experience this love death had to be involved. I hate that about this thing we call life. None of us really live until it is too late.
Today I am writing; today I feel alive. When I got in my truck the first song on the radio was from the group Pearl Jam. The chorus, “I’m still alive” is ringing in my head as I write. My soul aches for those who lost their friend, a mother and a wife, and Jennifer was all of these things, but today she makes me feel alive. Her soul is present!
I love you Jennifer Robinson and always will.
Rest in peace, Mike
Please pray for her family, they will need it.