This past week has been one of the toughest in my life. We all lose people, and I have lost a lot of people over the years, but last Saturday I buried an adopted son and one of the true sages of my life. Ben Cooper was my son; he lived in my home during the summers and taught my youngest how to play basketball. He was between my two boys; we joked that he was the middle son we never had. Charles Rodgers was part of the Ridgecrest Baptist Church Mission Team. Mr. Charles and I have done numerous projects together on mission trips, and he loved the work that I use to do for Eyes of the Heart Ministries. He was an amazing man. This blog is a tribute to the impact that both of these men had on my life. I love them both with all of my soul.
It is hard to trust God when you have things like this happen in your life. I know it is for me. When tragedy strikes we look for people or circumstances to blame things on, sometimes we blame God. I know I get pissed; I wonder if there was something I could have done, or something I wished I had said to each of them.
How can Love and Hate can get so convoluted when situations like this happen?
Being angry is part of Love. That sounds weird, but it’s true. I know how much I loved Ben and Charles because of how angry I am at God. I heard someone at the funeral say to Ben’s mom, “God is in control”, please don’t say that to people at a funeral especially when you are burying a child. That one sentence made me question the existence of God in my mind and heart. It separated me from God at a moment when I needed him most. I had to work hard to get back to how much I loved Ben to get over that statement. Love is the answer!
I think a lot of people have questions when tragedy strikes. I know I do, and I am brave enough to express them. It is easy to see God in Charles Rodgers life; he was the picture of a Christ-figure. He exuded Love everywhere he walked. I wanted to be in his presence every chance I got, and he lived a long and fruitful life.
On the other hand, the police and coroner showed up at my house when Ben Cooper was killed on a motorcycle. I purchased my current house from his father, so it was his last known address. Ben was not my biological child, but at that moment, my heart was the shattered heart of a parent. I had lost a child who had been a part of my family for 20 years and I was angry. Angry with myself, angry with God and angry with anyone that tried to calm me down.
It is in these types of moments people have a tendency to question other people’s faith. You should never do that until you have walked in their shoes. Grief is different for everyone in how it is expressed.
His death just made no sense. I am not sure it is suppose too. It seems such a waste to lose someone so precious to so many people. His smile was contagious, and I loved his mischievous smirk he carried with him everywhere. I love you Ben! More than you will ever know!
God I know you are there, but it is hard to see you now!
Please hold your religious comments; I am really not in the mood to hear them, and you may not like my comments back. I wrote this for me, and for each of you to know how much I loved these two men, nothing more.